Apartments, Ibiza Dreams, and the Art of Balance

I was good that day. Very good, actually. I was at home, and it was raining on her side, so of course Fruitloop thought, oh no, then she cannot go running. But I had already checked the weather app and gone the evening before, so that was okay.

Here, my evening was not yet decided. My husband had asked me if I wanted to go to the restaurant because we were alone, just the two of us. It sounded nice. But then he had a friend coming to finish installing the outside toilets for the pool, and I know how these things go. They finish something, then they drink a beer, then maybe another beer, and suddenly it takes longer than planned. So I thought, maybe restaurant, maybe not. And of course, I still had to go to the supermarket.

My cat was also not pleased. She hates when I have a Teams meeting. Normally she sleeps next to me, but as soon as someone calls, she moves away. Always. She goes behind the sofa, not on the sofa, behind it, on the floor, like she wants to hear nothing from anyone. I understand her sometimes.

The days before had been stressful, from Thursday until Saturday. My daughter received all the answers from the schools. She was very lucky. All the schools she had applied to gave her a positive answer, while many other students were still waiting or sitting on waiting lists. She accepted her first choice and deleted the others. Then it was suddenly real.

Thursday was a public holiday in Germany, so I spent the whole day searching for apartments, asking for visits, preparing documents, organizing everything. On Saturday morning, my husband and I had five visits in the city where she will study. Five. It was a lot, but one of them was good, and the owner accepted us. This is always the funny part. You think you choose, but in the end, the owner chooses too.

So now the rental contract is signed. It is done. Beginning of August, we get the keys. The apartment is small, of course, a student apartment, but renovated and modern. It is in a quiet place, not a big building, with a garden outside, trees, parking, and places for bicycles because many people cycle there. There is a washing machine for everyone in the building, not inside her apartment, but she can buy tickets and wash and dry her clothes there. She will have to do her own laundry. That is not a bad thing.

The kitchen is very small, and I do not think it is very functional, but my daughter says it is okay for her. So, okay. It is her apartment. I am just happy this chapter is closed for now. Other people will still be searching for weeks, maybe longer. I can breathe again.

It is in the same area as my older daughter, but still thirty to forty minutes by city train. That is fine. Maybe sometimes on Friday evenings they can come home together, not with two cars, not with two trains. We will see. It starts in September. For now, I am just happy to wait for the keys.

Fruitloop told me congratulations, and I felt it. Really. It was stressful, but it is done now, and I can relax again.

Then of course, as soon as one topic is finished, another begins. My younger daughter told me she wants to celebrate her eighteenth birthday. A few days before, she was not interested. Now suddenly she is invited everywhere, and now she is counting people. My husband and I told her, please, fix a number. Thirty people, not more. But she says it is not possible because some friends have boyfriends now. I said no, no, this is not how it works.

We will do it at home because we have a big garden and the pool, but then we need good weather. Or a tent. We have a tent, but not big enough for all the ideas she has in her head. And she does not want to celebrate with the family at the same time, so the family must be another date. Another organization. Another balance.

She will give me a list of which alcohol she wants me to buy. Fruitloop thought, maybe she should tell her friends, bring your own alcohol. She wants only a big aperitif, small foods where people stand and eat. It sounds simple when she says it, but for so many people, small food is not small work.

My older daughter had maybe six or seven people at home for her eighteenth. When she heard her sister wanted more than thirty, she was shocked. “What?” Yes. Incredible. My younger one has many friends. That is the problem. I secretly hope some of them will be on holiday. I cannot say that to her, but I hope it.

Her birthday is the last day of July, but we will probably celebrate around the seventh of August because my older daughter will be in Portugal with friends at the birthday time. My younger daughter wants her sister there, and also her sister’s friends, because they can keep an eye on the younger team. She accepts that more than if we, the parents, stand around watching. That is fine. That is also a balance.

The party theme came by Snap. Ibiza. Just Ibiza. But already she has decoration ideas. I told her, please go easy with decoration. She can pay for that herself. I know her. She will buy too much, probably from Shein. She wants money from everyone for a new phone, an iPhone of course. Not Samsung. All her friends have iPhones. Even small children now want the phone with the Apple on it. Fruitloop said her son also asked for “the one with the Apple,” even without really knowing what it is. It is funny, but also not funny, because they are expensive.

Financial balance, yes. That was the topic, but really it was already in the room before we started. Apartment, birthday, petrol, food, phones, study, travel, repair, saving. It is all the same thing. Money is not only money. It is also time, stress, family, choices.

For me, financial balance means first asking what is important. Is the financial side more important than private life, than quality of life, than health? Sometimes to have a better financial situation, you need to work more, or take a more stressful job. Then maybe you have more money, but less time, less quiet, less yourself.

I think you have to put things at the top of your list. Health. Spending time with your husband. Spending time with family. But even that often costs money. Going to dinner, going to a festival, cooking for many people. Even cooking at home for a group costs something. So you have to think about what you have, what you need, what you want, and what you want to save for later.

Saving gives peace of mind. I know that. A few years ago, when I was sick, I did not receive much money for one year. In a situation like that, you need some savings. Life always brings something unexpected. Illness, children, a car, something broken, something you did not plan. And retirement is not tomorrow, but also not so far. In France, when you retire, you receive only a small part of your actual salary, so you must think about whether you want to reduce your standard of living later.

But I do not want to live only for saving money. I want to live in the present too. My husband and I always have projects, and projects cost money. The swimming pool. The outside toilets by the swimming pool. The house. The garden. Always something.

Our oven was broken, or almost broken, but my husband did something and now it works again. For the moment. We do not have a special savings account for the oven. We see what happens. He is good with repairs. He watches YouTube videos, orders the small parts, and repairs phones and other things. He does it to save money, yes, but also for nature. It is not good to buy, buy, buy all the time.

But buying is easy. Too easy. We order so many things. Sometimes there is another package at the post, and I ask, who ordered something now?

Unexpected expenses taught me this too. When my father died, my mother had nothing because he had spent all the money. He played casino, so you can imagine. My sister, my brother, and I had to pay for the funeral. We could do it because we have good situations, but still, it was unexpected. A car can also be like that. One day it is fine, the next day broken, and if you need a bigger car because of the children, it costs a lot.

Fruitloop told me about funeral policies where she lives, where you pay a small amount each month and then there is money for the funeral, so your family is not left with everything. Here, I know there is insurance like that, but I think it is expensive and not really worth it. Better to save your own money. Insurance never lets you win money. That is not how insurance works.

Still, I understood what she meant. We do not like to think about these things, especially with children. You hope nothing happens. Driving, accidents, life. Even when there is crisis at home and you are not happy with what they do, you still worry. Always.

Budgeting is also funny because people forget the small things. Netflix, internet, fuel for the car. Credit and rent you cannot forget because they come every month. Electricity too. If you forget electricity, you will notice quickly because they will stop giving it to you. But children’s hobbies, that is another story. When children grow, they cost more. And when they study, it costs more again.

We are lucky in France because my daughter’s school is free. It is a university, so there are only small fees. Many private schools cost a lot. My nephews studied in a big trade school in Lyon, and they had to pay so much that one of them needed a student credit. A lot of students do that because they have no choice.

For my daughter, the apartment is the big cost, and then food. But in France, she can apply for help with the apartment. It does not depend in the same way on salary, and many students do it. The apartment will be in her name, and the help will be deducted from the rent. Maybe one hundred, maybe two hundred euros, I do not know yet, but it is a good help. Germany does not have this in the same way.

Fruitloop told me that where she lives, university costs are very different. You pay the fees, entry fees, books, and then still the apartment or room, food, petrol, car, everything. Some students get bursaries, some take loans. Some work in the mornings and study in the afternoons, like she did. I thought, yes, that is a lot. I am happy I do not have this big fee to pay. I could not pay that if it was like in some other countries, especially if someone studies for many years, like medicine.

My daughter says she does not want to work during weekends in the first year because she needs to concentrate on her studies. I hope she will be serious. I am confident, because when she works on something, her results are good. She is sometimes too confident, but maybe that helps her. She does not show stress like I do. Maybe she has it inside, I do not know.

I cannot manage her life. I can help her. But in the end, she has to take the decisions. She has to understand that she is organizing her own future now.

There was also the question of holidays. For Egypt, it was all-inclusive, so the budget was simple. You pay, and then there is almost nothing extra, except small things. But Martinique was different. That trip cost a lot. I saved money for it. It was after my therapy, so it had another mood. A special mood. We wanted to celebrate being together as a family. Money was not the most important thing, because I had planned and saved, and also because you do not travel to the Caribbean many times in your life. If you can do something there, do it. When you are back in France, you cannot do it anymore.

But I do not need a Michelin-star restaurant. That is not me. I prefer something special from the place, a local speciality, home cooking, something simple but real. That has more sense for me.

In Martinique, my husband and I once went into town to buy food for lunch while my daughters stayed at the house. It was Saturday, very hot, and nobody seemed to work. All the people from the small town were gathered in one place. They drank beer and rum and smoked herbs, joints, everywhere. There was a private person cooking food, and we had heard the reputation was very good.

It took three hours.

Three hours standing in the heat, waiting for takeaway food. It was completely unorganized. You stood in the queue, then when you reached the cooker, you told him what you wanted from a small menu. He cooked small quantities, one by one, and sold them. My daughters kept calling. “Where are you? How long does it take?” And we were there, in the heat, with the smell of food and smoke and rum around us.

At the end, I think we were also a little bit affected by all the smoke. Of course. We stood there for three hours.

But the food was fantastic. Really fantastic. I do not think I would do it every day, and maybe I would not wait like that again, but as an experience, it stayed with me. That is also worth something. Not luxury. Not perfect. Just something you cannot repeat unless you go back there and stand again in the heat with everyone else, waiting.

So yes, balance. Savings are important. No debt is good. Repairing is better than always buying new. Children cost money. Parties cost money. Ibiza decorations cost money. Travel costs money. But time also costs something. Stress costs something.

I prefer to have enough, to be careful, and still live. To be more quiet, if possible. To be happy with what we have. Because if you have money but no time to spend it, what is the use? And if you are too stressed to enjoy it, that is not a good thing either.

Maybe that is the real balance. Not perfect. Just enough space to breathe.