My Emotions Were Basically a McDonald’s Potato Wedge

I started the meeting in a very Sarah way: I absolutely forgot. I was calling my friends, and then suddenly—oops. Meeting. I was so sorry, really, but Fruitloop was calm about it. She said it was okay. Fruitloop even told me she had reminded me one hour before, so yes, that was a little bit shame, please.

My day was actually really cool before that. My friends had come to my house, and they left at 3:40. We watched a film, and it was nice. Then Fruitloop remembered that I had a “party” on the weekend. My mom was organizing everything, and on Monday there would be a party for all the people who helped install the things and prepare the weekend. I asked one of my friends to help me and come with me, because doing a cocktail bar with a friend is more fun than doing it alone.

Then Fruitloop said the topic was emotional balance, and I immediately thought, difficult one. Social balance was already one thing, but emotional balance is more inside. It is not only seeing people and then being alone. It is about being relaxed, not thinking about all the things at the same time, and not being trapped in emotions like anger, sadness, stress, happiness, or excitement.

Fruitloop explained that emotional balance means feeling emotions but not staying stuck inside them forever. Like, if I am angry, I don’t have to become anger as a full personality. I can understand it, manage how strong it is, and maybe not explode like a bomb. Or a bump. No, I meant bomb, with flames and exploding, please.

We spoke about what can change my mood from happy to stressed. For me, it is when I don’t have control of a situation, or when there is a deadline and suddenly something unorganized happens. That can make me stressed very quickly. I also said that it is easier for me to show joy, but sometimes it is very easy to complain and to show anger. It depends on the person, but also on the situation.

When I feel overwhelmed, I don’t have one magic solution. It depends what is stressing me. If school is too much, Scouts are my solution, because it is a big break with friends and good vibes. If I am stressed, I can listen to music, do sports, or call a friend. Before meeting a new friend that day, I was nervous, so I called another friend and asked her to speak about anything except the stressful thing. Sometimes I don’t need advice. I just need someone to help my brain look in another direction.

We also talked about why we should first acknowledge emotions instead of hiding them. I said it is like when you don’t know the problem, you can’t resolve it. If I just feel bad in my stomach and I don’t know why, maybe I am sick, maybe I am stressed, maybe something else. But if I know, “Okay, I am stressed,” then I can do something. Fruitloop gave an example about driving and someone breaking traffic rules. First you know why you are angry, then you can choose not to yell.

My body gives me signs too. When I am stressed, my stomach feels bad and my heart goes really fast. When I am very angry, sometimes I just want to cry because I cry from anger. Fruitloop called it emotional damage, and yes, very accurate. Sometimes my body says, “Sarah, please stop, this is too much.”

A trusted friend helps because with a real friend, I don’t have to hide my emotions. I can be myself. If I am sad, stressed, or angry, I can say it. If I hide everything, it becomes like a bomb, and then boom. I even had to do the flame with my hand so Fruitloop understood me.

Then we spoke about being tired or hungry. When I am tired, I have no filter. I can cry for everything, even a film, and anger is the hardest emotion to control. When I am hungry, I am really bad and really angry. I just say, “I want to eat.” Fruitloop taught me the word “hangry,” which is hungry and angry together. Then her dog started barking, and she said maybe the dog was hangry too, which was funny.

For movement, I first thought about meditation, yoga, and relaxing positions. I also told Fruitloop about a video of a water purification ceremony in Bali where people screamed, and I thought it was scary, like a ritual or a sect thing. Fruitloop said maybe it was not scary, just different and strange. Then we joked that normal holidays in Bali would be better: beach, jungle, massage, elephants. Not screaming like that woman, please.

When I feel disappointed, I usually breathe, listen to music, change my mind with other things, or go to sleep. Sleep helps because I am in my safe place, in my bed, and my mind walks alone without me facing the reality of the problem. Fruitloop said sleep is like overnight therapy. When I wake up, I still remember what happened, but the emotion is not as intense.

Then my mom called because she bought mascarpone. My friend was coming the next day, and we were going to make ice cream. I had to take something quickly, and then I came back. Emotional balance , but also mascarpone emergency. Very normal.

We also talked about humor. I think silly jokes or games help during an emotional breakdown because they make you think about other things. If you only rethink the same problem again and again, you can’t move forward. A joke, a funny story, or a game can create a little safe place in your mind. I said I am good at distracting people. I can change the atmosphere, speak about my day, and make people laugh, even if my jokes are not really humoristic. They still work, so it is okay.

Then we did the silly questions. If I could store happiness in a jar, my jar would be yellow with pink points and ruffles around it. If stress had a color, I thought of anxiety from Inside Out – the movie, so stress would be orange. I prefer the first Inside Out because it is more relaxed and has less problems.

If my emotions lived in a house together, stress and anger would make the biggest mess. They would be best friends and share a room, but they would also fight a lot. If my emotions controlled the weather, school would be a storm, because I complain all day at school. School is frustrating, annoying, and boring. But holidays would be sunshine. Except that day it was actually raining and cold, so my real summer was not really summering.

Fruitloop explained the seasons again, because she is in winter in South Africa and I am in summer in France, and I still think it is mad that the same planet can have different seasons at the same time. North of the equator has summer, south has winter, and later it switches. The earth is dramatic, honestly.

The funniest thing that improves my mood is watching funny videos, especially babies, people falling or cats doing stupid things. Seeing someone fall in the street is funny too, but maybe videos are better because nobody is seriously hurt. Then the potato question came. If worries weighed the same as potatoes, I said today I would carry a small McDonald’s fries. Maybe one potato. But then I explained that in France we have “potatoes” at McDonald’s, which are actually potato wedges, and they are very good with creamy deluxe sauce.

Fruitloop and her husband became jealous because South African McDonald’s does not have potato wedges or creamy deluxe sauce. I told her she had to come to France. She said she could not just come to France for McDonald’s because it is expensive, so I said I could send it by post. I think it would be okay. Probably. Maybe. No problem.

At the end, we confirmed the next meetings: Then Fruitloop said we only see each other for two more weeks, before I leave for two months, and I accidentally said “yeah” with bad intonation, like I was happy to leave her. I had to restart dramatically: “Yeah. Oh no, why?” Much better.

I am excited for summer holidays, camping, Scouts, church, and everything, but two months without seeing Fruitloop means I will have a lot of things to say in September. A lot. Really a lot. Emotional balance is difficult, but I think I understand one thing: sometimes my emotions are storms, sometimes sunshine, and sometimes just one McDonald’s potato wedge with creamy deluxe sauce.