What My Son Teaches Me About Work

I knew before we started that this would be difficult.

Some topics are easy for me. When we speak about customers, meetings, football, discipline, trust, preparation, I can find my way. These are things from my daily life. I know them. I live them. I can explain them with stories.

But playful thinking? That was not my comfort zone.

For me, play is not the first word I use when I think about myself. I am a useful person. I like things that have a reason. I like preparation. I like responsibility. I like doing things properly. I do not play video games. I do not play games on my smartphone. When I have free time, I am often happy when I can relax. I am a Kopfmensch, a head person. I think a lot.

So when The Mayor came with these questions, I felt very quickly: this will be a hard hour.

But he did something clever. He did not ask me, “Alexander, are you playful?” That question would have been finished in ten seconds. I would have said, “No, not really.” Instead, he made the questions come from the voice of my two-year-old son.

That changed something.

When a child asks, the question becomes softer. It is still serious, but not heavy. And maybe this is already the first lesson. Sometimes the angle changes the answer.

The first question was simple: “Papa, when you drive to a customer, do you ever play a little game in your head to make the long drive easier?”

My first answer was no.

I do not play games in my head when I drive. I listen to the radio, to podcasts, or I call colleagues. Sometimes I call old colleagues from Homel Hercules. For me, long-distance driving is not boring. I know many people would say it is dead time, but for me it is not. I can listen. I can think. I can speak with people. I can be alone in a good way.

At first, I thought: no game.

But then The Mayor continued, and I noticed something.

Before every meeting, I have a plan. When I am driving, I think about the appointments of the day. I think about the customer. I think about the contact person. I ask myself what the best way is to get the right information. First, I want to understand the person. Then I want to understand the company. Then I want to understand if they are interested in working stronger together, and what is most important for them.

Maybe this is my game.

Not a game like children play. Not something without purpose. But a tactic. A plan. Like football before the match starts.

In football, you do not just run. You need to understand the opponent. You need to know your position. You need to see where the space is. You need to react. And in sales, it is not so different. Before I go into a meeting, I try to create my tactic. I want to reach my goal, but I also want to understand the other person honestly.

When my son asks, “Papa, is your work sometimes like football, where you need a tactic before the game starts?” I can say yes. That is true.

And when someone says no to me, I do not think the match is finished.

If a customer says no and I say, “Okay, that’s fine, you don’t need help,” and then I go to the next one, I think I do a bad job. When my contact person says no, the match is still open. Maybe it is only the first half.

Then my job is to understand why he says no. I do not stop before I know the real reason. Sometimes the first no is only protection. Sometimes the customer has no time. Sometimes he has too many suppliers. Sometimes he does not yet trust me. Sometimes he does not yet see the problem clearly himself.

If I stop too early, I learn nothing.

This is also why preparation is important for me. The Mayor asked if preparing my notes before a meeting is like packing my football bag before training. I said: a little bit.

In football, I have my standard things in the bag. In work, I also have my standard toolbox. I prepare a presentation for the customer, and the topics are mostly the same, but I change the fine things, the details. It is important whether I already know the customer or whether it is a new customer. With a new customer, the most important thing is to understand the company and to understand him. I ask different questions. With a good existing customer, I look at my notes from the last meeting.

Sometimes the notes are not only business notes.

I have one customer who is a football trainer for kids. He is very happy when he speaks about this. He talks a lot. So I write it down in my laptop. Not because I want to manipulate him, but because it is part of who he is. When I meet him again, I can follow the conversation. I can ask him about it. I can show him that I listened.

For me, this is not fake interest. It has to be real. This is very important. If stories and jokes are not real, the other person can feel it. Then there is danger. They may feel I am not honest. They may feel I am not to be trusted. And trust is everything.

This is maybe where work can be serious and still fun.

My goal in every meeting is that the customer and I have a good feeling together. Maybe we have a little fun. Maybe a lot of fun. When the customer has a good mood with me in the conversation, I have a better chance that he thinks, “This is an interesting person. I want to speak more with him.”

But there is a line.

If a customer is in a bad mood, I need a lot of sensitivity. I can try one or two times to make the situation lighter. But when I feel there is nothing to do, then I stop. If I push the customer too far, it can be a problem. He may feel that I do not respect his mood. He may think I am only a clown. That is the last thing I want.

Playfulness without respect is not good. It becomes noise. It becomes too much.

There are also days that are simply difficult. Sometimes I have only one real meeting in a day, and then I visit small EDE or Northwest distributors. This is a big challenge for me because in the last one and a half years I have had almost no success in these meetings. I try to challenge myself to get the first positive conversation, to get my foot in the door.

A few weeks ago, I had a good conversation with a customer like this. We talked for twenty or twenty-five minutes. The mood was good. But he said he had so many chemical suppliers already that it was not interesting for him. I think 80 percent of these conversations end like this.

That is frustrating.

And honestly, I do not yet find the right way. My colleagues cannot really help me, because I think they are on the same level with this. Not successful. Still, it is only the first half. I have to keep learning.

This is where my work becomes like being a detective. Or maybe like a lawyer. I once watched a series for two months called Lincoln Lawyer, and I liked that idea. In my job, I have to find the problem at the customer. When I know the problem, I can use the right tools. If I do not find the problem, I can only guess what the problem could be.

And guessing is not the best way to be successful.

The Mayor then changed the direction. He asked what helps me become Papa again when I come home tired, and not only work-Alexander.

That question was easier, because I know this moment.

The good thing in my job is that most times I have a long drive home. On this drive, I have time to relax and recharge my battery. That helps me to be on point when I arrive at home, open the door, and meet my son.

But even there, play is not always simple.

When I come home and my son wants to build his train, most times I sit with him on the floor — and then I get tired. For me, it is better when we go outside. He rides his bike, and I walk or run behind him. Now we have the perfect time for it. In winter it is not so easy, but now we can go into the garden, ride the bike, move, breathe.

Outside is better than inside.

Football is also my way of playing. And my way of thinking better. Both.

On the one hand, I can speak with my friends and my trainer and get a free head. On the other hand, I have a game where I can run and be active. I can forget the stress. Training three times a week is fun and discipline together. Sometimes I am very motivated to go to training or to the match. Sometimes I am not so motivated, but I go because of discipline and because of the team. At the moment, I think fun is more in focus, but discipline is always there.

Maybe this is why I understand play better when it has commitment inside it.

A game is not only fun. A good game has rules. A team. Responsibility. You show up.

When something goes wrong at work, I do not always laugh about it. I still have situations in my head where I lost a big deal or a big customer. These things stay with me for years. But I think you have to learn from these stories, from these problems, and do it better next time.

I try to remember one sentence: when you have a problem, and you know that in one year it will no longer be a problem, then maybe it is not such an important problem.

This is not easy. In the moment, the problem can feel very big. But the sentence helps a little.

The question that stayed with me most was about children asking questions.

My last boss once told me a very funny story about his kids and the job as a salesman. When children are small, adults say, “Don’t ask so many questions.” But when you are an adult and you are a salesman, your job is to ask as many questions as you can.

Not only the funny questions. Sometimes you have to ask the hard questions to get the real information from your customer.

I compare this with my son. He can ask ten times if he can eat chocolate, and ten times I say, “No, don’t eat chocolate now.” And maybe later, when he is older, I will tell him: you have to be interested in the person in front of you. You have to ask questions. You have to understand the situation.

So maybe children already know something that adults forget.

They ask. They try again. They are curious. They do not stop after the first no.

At the end, The Mayor asked if, when my son plays and learns things, I also play a little when I work so I can learn things.

And I think yes.

For example, I work with AI now. I see it a little bit like a game. I try to find new ways to work better, with better performance. Finding out new ways is, for me, like a game.

That surprised me.

Because at the beginning I thought: no, I do not play. I am not that person. I am useful. I am serious. I am responsible.

But maybe playful thinking does not mean wasting time. Maybe it means staying open. Trying a new way. Asking one more question. Seeing the meeting like a match that is still open. Turning a long drive into preparation. Turning a problem into a story. Turning work into something with energy, not only pressure.

This hour was very hard for me. The questions were difficult. The English was difficult. The psychology behind it was difficult. Everything in this hour felt difficult.

But I survived it.

And maybe I became one percent better.

Maybe that is enough. Maybe playful thinking starts there — not with laughing all the time, not with becoming someone else, but with finding a little more movement inside serious things.

A little more space.

A little more curiosity.

A little more possibility that the match is not finished yet.