The Minister of Rest

A cancelled football match, a crumbly piece of cake, and the difference between being busy, rushed, and really stressed.

On Sunday evening, I watched an old television series instead of football.

I love this series because I watched it when I was 13 or 14 years old. It brings me back to my childhood. My mother allowed me to watch television until nine o’clock in the evening.

Then I had to switch it off.

Of course, all the good programmes came after nine.

It gave me a good feeling to watch it again. It was also a relaxing end to a weekend that was full of activities. This was how my conversation with The Mayor about rest began.

But very soon, we discovered that rest was not the only subject.

The real question was this:

Am I busy, rushed, or stressed?

First, I Have to Work

When The Mayor asked if I was busy, my honest answer was yes.

I have my normal work. After that, I have activities almost every day. I have football training on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The first game of the new season is on Sunday. There is also a festival on Saturday.

I looked at the week and said I had only two free days.

“I guess I will find new activities for those days,” I said.

The Mayor wanted to know whether I would find them or whether Julia would find them for me.

I had to admit that Julia would probably find them.

He also noticed that I had football training and the Brida Stammtisch on the same evening. His conclusion was that I was far too busy to work.

“That is not what I said,” I told him. “I said, first, I have to work.”

Proper order was restored.

An Active Sunday Can Still Be Relaxing

Our football team was supposed to play a match on Sunday, but the trainer cancelled it. We had completed a difficult training programme, and the team was tired. The new season was about to begin, so we needed time to recover.

This gave us a free Sunday.

It was a very relaxed day, although we still did several things.

Our son slept until half past nine, which almost felt like a small miracle. Normally, he wakes much earlier. We spent some time playing together in the living room. Then we went to Julia’s parents for lunch.

After lunch, our son slept again for one and a half hours.

This was also very relaxing for us.

Later, we went to a small party in the village where I play football. We met friends, talked, and spent time together.

For me, it was relaxing.

For Julia, perhaps not so much.

When our son sees many people, he becomes very active. He wants to move everywhere and discover everything. You have to watch every second to see what he is doing.

All the adults in our group looked after the children, but Julia carried most of the responsibility. When I had time, I took over.

The day was active. It was full. But it did not feel stressful to me.

That is when the difference became interesting.

Busy Is Not the Same as Rushed

I do not normally feel rushed at work.

When somebody gives me a new task, I begin quickly. I collect the information, study the situation, make a plan, and send my feedback.

Recently, I was asked to investigate two possible new customers. I looked at the companies and discovered that the situation was more complicated than it first appeared. After about an hour, I sent back the information and explained what the next steps could be.

I did it fast, but I did not feel stressed.

Then I remembered Friday afternoons.

Every Friday, I collect our son from kindergarten. Sometimes my work is still completely in my head. I want to pick him up, bring him home, and then continue working.

But a tired two-year-old does not care about my schedule.

He does not want to put on his shoes. He becomes loud. He moves slowly when I want him to move quickly. I can feel the clock ticking because I want to return to my office.

In that moment, I become impatient and angry.

I called this stress.

The Mayor challenged me.

Was I really stressed, or was I rushed?

The pressure came from the time. My work was still waiting. I felt responsible for collecting my son, but part of my mind was already back at the desk.

My son was not doing anything wrong. He was simply tired.

Perhaps I was not stressed.

Perhaps I was rushed.

Not Everything Is Stress

We use the word stress very easily.

The coffee machine does not work exactly when we want it to work, and suddenly we are stressed. Somebody moves too slowly, a plan changes, or an appointment takes longer than expected.

Stress is a useful word because it can explain everything.

But perhaps it sometimes explains too much.

When I thought about real pressure, I remembered my mother.

For several years, she worked in a bakery. She had to wake up at around three o’clock in the morning. While she worked, I spent time with my grandmother.

After work, my mother collected me from school and took me home.

She must have been very tired, but she could not simply go to sleep. I was too young to be left alone.

At that time, I did not understand her situation. I was a child. We did not have deep conversations about her life or how tired she felt.

Now I can look back differently.

We needed the money, and she had to do the job. Later, she found office work with hours that were better for a mother with a child.

Today, I have to take my hat off to her.

Julia and I are two people, and we are sometimes exhausted by one small person with an unbelievable amount of energy. I cannot imagine doing everything alone.

My mother did a very good job.

The Problem with Crumbly Cake

Children do not see the work behind ordinary family life.

Our son is not a good eater. When Julia cooks, we hope he will eat at least a little. Sometimes he wants food, but when the food arrives, he does not want it anymore.

Then there is cake.

At the weekend, he had a very crumbly piece of cake. He walked around the living room while eating it.

I like everything at home to be clean.

I asked him to eat at the table. He came to the table, but he is small. He did not eat over the plate. He ate next to the plate, behind the plate, and possibly everywhere except over the plate.

The cake landed on the floor.

For him, this was completely easy.

For me, it was very hard.

I immediately felt that I had to clean everything. I was not exactly angry with him. I knew he still had to learn.

But I was impatient.

This is also a type of pressure. It is small, ordinary, and not dangerous. Still, it can change the mood of an evening.

Rest Has Changed for Me

Before I became a father, rest often meant sitting in front of the television.

Now it means something different.

I relax when I go outside, meet friends, attend the Stammtisch, or go to football training.

Football training does not look like rest. It is physically difficult. Afterwards, I am tired.

But it takes me out of my normal routine.

After training, we sometimes sit together in the club room for half an hour or an hour. We drink a beer and have good conversations.

I return home physically tired but mentally refreshed.

That is rest for me.

Julia goes to the fitness centre. That is time for her. It would be unfair for me to say that her fitness is rest while my football is not.

We simply rest in different ways.

I can also sit for four hours and do nothing without feeling guilty. I have friends who sit for ten minutes and suddenly have to stand up and complete a task.

I am absolutely not this person.

I can relax.

A New Family Ministry

The Mayor asked me to imagine that our family had a Ministry of Rest.

Who would be the minister?

I said I would be the Minister of Rest because I am more relaxed than Julia.

Who would ignore the rules?

Probably Julia.

Then I had to invent the first ridiculous law of the Ministry of Rest.

My law was simple:

If something takes less than two minutes to clean, clean it immediately.

Perhaps this is not a very relaxing law.

The Minister of Rest is apparently also the Minister of Clean Floors and Crumbly Cake.

Still, I think the ministry could work.

One Word Less

My life is busy.

I work, play football, spend time with my family, meet friends, attend Brida, and try to keep cake away from the living-room floor.

But a busy life is not automatically a stressful life.

Sometimes I am active but relaxed.

Sometimes I am physically tired but mentally refreshed.

Sometimes I say I am stressed when I am really rushed, impatient, or thinking about two responsibilities at the same time.

Perhaps less is more can also apply to our words.

If we use the word stress a little less, we may understand more clearly what is really happening.

And then we may also understand what kind of rest we actually need.