The Sunshine Switch Is On

Ralf on fresh air, morning songs, quiet rooms, midnight thoughts, strong coffee, and the small things that help him wake ready for life.

The Mayor said he found it difficult to imagine me sleeping.

I understand this. I am normally doing something. I am cooking, driving, talking, planning, singing, looking at a machine or thinking about the next barbecue. A sleeping Ralf does not make much noise and is therefore difficult to recognise.

But I sleep. And when I wake up, the machine starts immediately.

The Mayor asked me for the first sign that I have had a good night.

For me, it is very simple.

When I stand up, the sun is shining on my backside.

The Ralf Morning Show

I am a morning person. Every day begins with energy.

My wife and I say good morning and ask each other if we slept well and had good dreams. Then she goes to the bathroom, and I go into the kitchen to switch on the coffee machine.

I make her a nice coffee. This is important.

The Mayor wanted to know if I also say good morning to the coffee machine. Do I explain that my wife needs a special coffee today? Do I sing to the machine?

No.

It is only a coffee machine.

But I like the machine.

The singing is for the people.

Sometimes I sing “Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep” by Middle of the Road. I move through the rooms and do my morning show. Then my wife drives to work with the song still inside her head.

She calls it an earworm.

I call it a successful performance.

The Mayor asked whether the hedgehogs stand outside and applaud. Perhaps they do. They are the only neighbours who are awake early enough.

When my wife has left the house, I switch on the radio. I listen to music, stories and even the news.

The Mayor could not understand how I can listen to the news and remain happy.

There are many bad things in the world, of course. But there are also good stories. You must look for them a little.

I also think people need something that makes them laugh. One day, when we have our camper van and travel through Europe, perhaps the entire campsite will receive the Ralf Morning Show.

I cannot promise it will be quiet.

A Room Ready for Sleep

For good sleep, our bedroom must be fresh and dark.

We open the window every night, also in winter. We have blinds in front of the windows, so the room becomes properly dark.

The mobile phones go into flight mode.

Then there is the bed.

Years ago, my wife and I went to buy one. We had a sensible budget. We visited a furniture shop, and a woman asked if she could help us.

“Yes,” we said. “We need a good bed.”

First, she showed us one bed. It was comfortable, but more expensive than we had planned.

Then she showed us another. It was even better.

Finally, she said, “I have one more bed for you. But do not look at the price. Lie down first and tell me how it feels.”

This woman understood sales.

We lay down.

Wow.

The bed could move at the top and at the bottom with a remote control. The mattress supported the body in a completely different way. She even showed us a video in which an egg was placed under a heavy concrete plate. On a normal mattress, the egg broke. On this mattress, it stayed whole.

I do not know why a helicopter and an egg are necessary when selling a bed, but the demonstration worked.

We bought it.

It was far above our original plan, but we have used it for six or seven years now. It still feels like the first day. We often lie down and say, “It was very, very good that we bought this bed.”

The important thing is not to spend a fortune. The important thing is to notice what really helps you rest.

You sleep six, seven or eight hours every night. This is a large part of your life. A bed is not only another piece of furniture.

For us, it was a good decision.

The Mystery on Television

Our evening routine is also simple.

We normally go to bed at the same time. If one person is tired before the other, we still finish the day together.

We have a television in the bedroom. My wife likes to listen to a story because it helps her thoughts become quiet. She can concentrate on the story, and then—boop—she is sleeping.

Sometimes I say, “No, I want to see this programme.”

I set the timer because I want to discover how the film ends.

The next morning, my wife asks, “Who was the murderer?”

I say, “I don’t know.”

Normally, I was sleeping before her.

At some point during the night, I wake up and lower the bed because I have fallen asleep with the top part still raised.

So much for the exciting film.

A Good Boy Goes to Bed

When I was a child, I was also good at sleeping.

My parents said, “You must go to bed.”

I said, “Yes, okay.”

In the morning, my mother came upstairs and said, “Ralf, you must stand up.”

I said, “Yes.”

A short time later, I was in the kitchen drinking milk or cocoa before going to school.

My sister was very different. She wanted to continue watching television. In the morning, my mother needed four or five attempts to wake her.

I was the good boy.

At least, this is how my mother told the story.

When I was very young, my parents sometimes read stories to me. Later, the system became more efficient.

“Sleep now.”

“Okay.”

Perhaps this is why my brain still listens when I give it a clear instruction.

When the Brain Has Open Points

My body can stop quite easily.

My brain is more difficult.

There are always things inside it: plans, ideas, tasks and open points. Sometimes I must tell myself, “No. Forget the stories. Close the eyes. We are sleeping now.”

Usually, this works.

Sometimes I wake during the night, and my brain says, “We have open points.”

Then I write them down. It may be something practical: a document, a tax question or another task I must not forget.

Once it is on paper, my brain does not need to hold it anymore.

Then I use a method my brother-in-law taught me.

I close my eyes and think about a good scene. My scene comes from travelling on a ship. The balcony door is open, and I can hear the water moving past the ship.

I imagine myself standing there, listening to the water.

Far away on the horizon, I put one black point.

I concentrate only on this point.

After one or two minutes, I am sleeping.

It is very, very fantastic.

Sleeping Above the Sea

During my Air Force years, I once joined a long night flight over the Adriatic.

There were four small beds inside the aircraft. We were told to use only the lower beds because the aircraft could turn, and nobody wanted a sleeping technician falling from the top bunk.

Outside, there were lights in the distance from a region where conflict was happening.

Inside, I slept like a little child.

Around midnight, somebody woke me because food was ready. On naval operations, a small night meal was normal for the people working late shifts.

They said, “Wake up. You must eat.”

I said, “No. I want to sleep.”

This may be the only recorded moment in history when I refused food.

The food was probably very good, too.

The Ralf Sleep Machine

The Mayor asked me to design a special Ralf Sleep Machine.

It would control my sleep and prevent unnecessary interruptions at three o’clock in the morning.

My body sometimes wakes me and says, “We are going to the toilet now.”

The machine would say, “No. Not necessary. Continue sleeping.”

It would also have a button for people outside who are laughing and shouting when everybody else wants to sleep.

Press the button.

Silence.

Luckily, our home is already very quiet. Visitors often say they cannot hear anything at night.

The only action comes from the hedgehogs looking under the garden table to see if somebody has dropped food.

That is acceptable night traffic.

Coffee, Steak and Too Much Garlic

Many people have rules about food and sleep.

Do not eat late.

Do not drink coffee in the evening.

Eat only something light.

These are probably sensible rules for many people.

I am a special man.

I can eat potatoes, steak or chicken at eleven o’clock at night and then sleep without a problem. My wife and I can drink a large cup of coffee in the evening, and I still fall asleep.

The Mayor told me, “You are not human.”

“No!” I said.

I sometimes think the more I eat, the better I sleep.

There is one small exception: garlic.

We love garlic. We put it into almost everything. When I make a sauce for scampi or calamari, I use a lot of garlic. Then, during the night, my body wakes up and says, “We are drinking! We are drinking!”

So perhaps there is one cooking tip for sleep:

Garlic is very good.

But keep water beside the bed.

Clear Before Sleep

At the end of our conversation, The Mayor asked what one small thing I protect because it gives me a better chance of waking with my sunshine switched on.

At first, I did not understand the question.

Then I thought about it.

My wife and I have one important rule. When we have different opinions, we do not go to bed angry. Before we sleep, it must be clear between us.

This does not mean we agree about everything. It means we do not carry unnecessary anger into the night.

I try to be diplomatic. Sometimes peace is more important than winning one small argument.

Good sleep is not only a dark room, an open window or a comfortable mattress.

It is also a quiet mind.

It is knowing that the important people are okay.

It is putting the phone into flight mode.

It is writing down the open point.

It is remembering the water beside the ship and finding the black point on the horizon.

Then you close your eyes.

You sleep.

And in the morning, somebody presses the button.

The coffee machine starts.

The music begins.

The hedgehogs take their positions.

And the sunshine switch is on.