The Search Engine of the Soul
As I sit here today, I realize something quiet and surprisingly grounding: I am content in who I am.
That might sound like a simple statement, but in a world that constantly tells us to re-invent ourselves every Tuesday, it feels like a small victory. Not everyone knows who they are or who they want to be, and I don’t take that clarity for granted.
Of course, I am far from perfect. I make mistakes. I forget things. Sometimes, a completely normal, unremarkable day can unravel in seven hundred different ways before lunch.
I get easily annoyed by noise and clutter. I genuinely dislike it when things are messy, but there are days when I simply don’t have the energy for a showdown. So I turn a blind eye. I walk right past the pile on the counter. Who cares? It’s not like royalty is dropping in for tea at that exact moment, and let’s be honest—if I tidy it up right now, someone will just ruin it again in twenty minutes anyway.
I like having things under control. Yet, I still procrastinate—which is rarely a brilliant plan—and I occasionally stress myself out to a point of absolute no return.
So yes, I have my share of insecurities. But I have good qualities, too.
I meet deadlines. In fact, I will cross heaven and earth to hit a deadline. It might take three cups of coffee, intense dedication, and a few choice swear words muttered under my breath, but I will get across the finish line.
I also have a gazillion ideas floating around in my head at any given moment. But so often, it feels like there isn’t enough time to bring them all to life. Not because the dedication isn’t there, but because life has a funny way of getting in the way of living your best life. Ironic, I know.
And that, right there, is usually the exact moment I open a new tab and start typing:
How to lose 5kg in two weeks?
How to get rid of mould in the bathroom with no draft?
How to binge-watch an entire series in one day?
What type of flower is this growing in my garden?
How to get rid of flu in two seconds?
How to DIY something ugly into something pretty?
The search history never lies.
Sometimes we just don’t have all the answers. Sometimes we want to do a million things, but the clock keeps ticking. We want to fully enjoy life, but the logistics of life keep interrupting the fun.
It reminds me of those old Mastercard commercials with the iconic slogan: “There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else, there’s Mastercard.”
In our house, the rule is a little different: For everything else, there’s Google.
You don’t need an algorithm to tell you who you are, what you value, or what brings you peace. The search engine can give you a recipe, a quick fix for the bathroom wall, or the name of a stray garden flower, but it can’t tell you how to feel comfortable in your own skin.
So all you really have to do is find yourself. Be exactly who you want to be.
Binge-watch that series. Leave the mess on the kitchen counter for just one day. Take a breath, find your center, and remember—everything else can be Googled.