Step by Step: How I Learn to Understand People
In the last months, I have thought a lot about people.
About how they speak, how they show their mood, and how I can build trust with them — at work and at home. I am a salesperson, a husband, a father, and also a teammate in my football club. In all these roles, I try to understand people step by step.
Reading a mood at a trade fair
Last week I was at the SPS fair in Nuremberg. There was also another company, a major customer of ours. I already knew the head from January, and I wanted to use this chance to build my network a bit more.
On Wednesday I told my colleague Sebastian, “I go to them. I will network with these people.”
There I met one person, his name is Christian. At first he was very quiet… no, not quiet — subdued. His energy was low. He did not show much emotion.
I stood there and thought, What can I do now to build a better relationship with him?
My idea was simple: I ask him questions.
So I started to ask about his life, his job, his responsibilities. Not in a fake way, but with real interest. People like to talk about themselves, I think. With every question he opened a little bit more. After some minutes he smiled more, he looked more relaxed. We talked around 30 minutes.
There was no big “click moment”. It was not like a movie. It was step by step. Every question was like one brick, and together we built a small house of trust.
At the end he said to me, “When you are here again, you can come to me and we can continue talking.” For me this was a clear sign: he felt respected and seen.
In this moment I felt again: if I listen and ask good questions, people change their mood and the relationship grows.
Meeting customers after a long break
In my sales area, there was no salesperson from our company for two or three years. So when I started, many customers did not know me at all.
My job was clear: introduce myself, build trust, and show that I am now their contact person.
I went to these companies and said, “Hello, I am Alexander from CRC. I am the new salesperson for this area. You can call me every day if you have questions.”
For me this was not a big problem, because in my job before, 80% of my work was to find new customers and build relationships from zero. I did the same here.
My way is always similar:
- I prepare before the meeting. I write notes and try to understand the company.
- I ask business questions and also a few personal questions.
- I try to see how the person “ticks”.
Most reactions were very positive. Maybe one or two customers said, “Okay, but this is not interesting for me.” The others were happy to have a clear contact person again.
Because our products are very similar to those of our competitors, the relationship is the most important part for me. We have many competitors in Germany, and most of them have good products. One is a bit better in cleaning, one in degreasing, we have some small advantages, but the difference is not huge.
So I believe: if I want to work well with a customer, the relationship is the key.
When a “no” becomes a “yes”
One of my favourite experiences is when a customer first says “no” and then later buys from us.
For example, I was in Austria with a customer. The product manager told me, “No, we already have a supplier. We are fine with them.” So I accepted it. I cannot change everything. We have a big market, many competitors, and sometimes there is no argument to switch to CRC.
But one week later, this person asked me about our price for a certain product. And now we are growing the business together.
Situations like this teach me two things:
- People sometimes need time.
- My job is to stay calm, stay friendly, and stay present.
Even if they say “no” today, they might remember me next week, or next year, if I behaved respectfully.
Christmas, gifts, and ethics
Now it is December and everywhere I hear Christmas music. Customers ask sometimes if we have small gifts or products they can use for their own Christmas events with employees.
To be honest, at the moment we have nothing to give. This does not feel good when a customer has high sales with us. Next year I would like to give one or two cans for free to some good customers, so they feel valued.
At the same time I know this topic is a bit sensitive. Today people talk more about ethics and what is allowed or not allowed with gifts. So I try to keep it simple and fair — a small “thank you”, not something that looks like buying the relationship.
Understanding my family’s moods
Understanding people is not only important at work. At home it is maybe even more important.
My wife Julia often says “Fine” when I ask, “How are you?” But sometimes the way she says “Fine” shows me: it is not really fine. When I am in Austria for a few days and she is alone with our two-year-old son, it is hard work for her. One week with a small child is not easy.
When I come home, I try to give her some “me time”. I take our son, play with him, bring him to bed, and Julia can do what she wants for a while. If I arrive late, maybe she only has 30 minutes. If I arrive earlier, she has more time. After that we can spend time together, and usually the mood becomes better.
My work-life balance changed with CRC. In my old job I travelled from Monday to Thursday and had home office on Friday. Now I am not outside every day. When I am at home, I try to finish work around 5 p.m., shut down the laptop, and then I am a father and partner, not a salesperson.
For me it is important to have clear roles: my wife and I have a clear understanding who is responsible for what at home. This gives structure and reduces conflict.
Different generations, different mentality
I like to talk with older people, for example grandparents. I find it interesting to hear about their lives and values. Often I agree with them. Many of their ideas are traditional, but they fit well with my own mindset.
With younger people it is sometimes more difficult for me. In my football team some younger players say, “I cannot come to training because my girlfriend wants to go out.” For me this is strange. In my life it is clear: Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday are for football.
They expect that football fits their schedule. I think they should fit their schedule to football. For me this mentality is hard to understand.
Of course, sometimes I also miss training — but then it is because of my job. I travel for work to earn money and support my family. This is responsibility, not just “I don’t feel like it.”
Why my partner loves me (maybe)
At the end of the conversation Frank asked me a difficult question:
“Why do you think Julia loves you?”
I had to think. It is not an easy question for anyone, I believe.
One reason I see is this: Julia is quiet in social situations. She does not like to talk with people she does not know well. She is a bit shy and reserved. I am the opposite in these moments. I make the calls, I talk to the doctor, I speak with strangers when we need something.
In this way we are a good team. She can push me to the front, and I take over the communication. I think she loves that I do this for her. It makes her life easier and gives her security.
We are also different with birthdays and Christmas. For her, these things are very important. She loves to give big presents, to make it special. For me, it is more stress to search for presents. I do not need gifts. I prefer calm and routine. But I respect that it is important for her, and we try to find a balance.
What I learn about understanding people
When I look at all these stories — customers, colleagues, my wife, my son, my football team — I see a few simple lessons:
- People want to feel seen and heard.
- Trust grows slowly, like a house built brick by brick.
- “No” today can become “yes” tomorrow.
- Clear roles and routines help relationships.
- Different generations think differently — and that is okay.
- Real interest is always better than using people as a tool.
I am still learning every day. But I know that if I listen carefully, ask honest questions, and stay patient, I understand people better — and my work and my family life both become stronger.
