I Don’t Always Say Yes — But I Try to Be There

The Mayor started with a difficult question.

He asked me if I am someone people ask for help because they know I normally say yes.

And immediately I thought, no, this is not the point.

I do not think people come to me because I am a yes-sayer. Nobody wants to be seen like that. Nobody likes the feeling that people think, “Ah, Alexander will always say yes. He will do it.” That is not a nice picture. So when the Mayor asked me this as the first question, I had to laugh a little, but I also felt it directly. It was uncomfortable.

He knew that, of course. That is why he asked it.

There is method in his madness.

But it also brought me very quickly to the real point. I do not think people ask me because I always say yes. I think people ask me when it is really important. They ask me when they have a problem and they know they can trust me. That is different. For me, this difference is very important.

A yes-sayer says yes because he cannot say no.

A reliable person says yes because he understands that this moment matters.

That is how I see it.

In my work, when a customer calls or writes, I try to answer very quickly. For me this is part of trust. It is one tool for building a relationship. The customer should know, “Okay, when I have a problem, Alex is fast, and Alex has good answers.” That does not mean I can always solve everything in five minutes. If a customer calls me from Vienna and says, “Can you be here in five minutes?” then of course I cannot say yes. I am not always standing around the corner.

But if they need help with products, information, problems, or a decision, then I try to help as fast as I can.

Sometimes this is difficult for me inside CRC. When I need support from Belgium, they often have more time than I would like. They do not always have the same speed. For me, that is hard to accept. If somebody wants something from me, I try to answer now, or I give a clear time frame. But when I need something, sometimes it feels like I have to pull it out with force. The Mayor understood this very well. He said he has the same problem. When people ask him, he goes out of his way. But when he needs something from someone else, it can feel like going to the dentist and pulling teeth.

I know this feeling.

The Mayor then asked me where my phone was during our conversation.

It was on my left side, on the table.

He asked if I would look at it during the meeting or put it away for one hour. I was honest. I said I would look at it. I have a bad feeling if I do not look at my phone for an hour. When a message pops up, I look for one second and then I am back. But if a customer calls during this meeting, then he has to wait.

That is also balance.

I am available, but not without limits.

This became the next point. The Mayor asked me if there is a difference between being reliable and being always available. At first I had to ask what reliable means. Then I thought about it, and I realized I understand this through stories.

I have a good relationship with a salesman from Autoglass. He sold two Smart Washers, and with both of them we had problems. The first one, I think, was damaged during delivery. The second one had another damage two or three weeks later. The salesman called me, told me the problem, and I helped him very fast.

A few weeks later I was at Autoglass with another salesman, and I saw this guy again. He said to his colleague that I am the best salesman in the world.

Of course, this is a nice compliment. The Mayor asked if I got a medal. I did not get a medal, but I remember the sentence.

For me, this was the connection between availability and reliability. It is not that I must answer every second. It is enough when I call back in one hour or two hours if I am in a meeting. But the customer must know that I will call back. The customer must feel, “Alex will do this.” That is the important part.

Still, The Mayor kept saying this thing about me always saying yes, and at some point I told him I had the feeling we were going in the wrong direction.

He asked me why.

I said, “Because you say so often I am a yes-sayer.”

He made a difference then. He said there is a difference between being a yes-sayer and saying yes.

Maybe that is true.

I can say no. In my job as a salesman, I think you have to learn to say no. If customers know that you do everything for them without a clear line, then you have a problem. Helping is good, but helping without limits is dangerous.

The Mayor told me a story about another Brida Community Member, Ritesh in Bangalore who helped a friend fill out an online government form. Then he helped his friend’s friends. Then half the neighborhood. Then half the city. One act of kindness became a big problem.

I understand that. If The Mayor asks me for help, that is one thing. If he then sends his whole network to me and says, “Call Alex, he will solve it,” then at some point I have to say no. If the next person says, “But I am a friend of the Mayor,” that makes it more difficult, but still, I have to protect the line.

This is true in work as well. There must be a professional distance. If a relationship becomes too personal, it is harder to say no, harder to talk about prices, harder to keep things clean. I know this from sales.

At CRC, I do not have this problem so much. But in my previous job at Hommel, it happened. The strategy there was, when you had no customers, you went to new customers and tried to get their top ten or top twenty products. Later, when I had customers, they sent me lists and asked me for offers.

After a while I learned that some customers did not really want to buy from me. They only needed my offer to put pressure on their current competitor. They wanted to show the other supplier my price and force him down.

When I understood this, I started asking directly: “Do you need this offer because you want to buy from me, or do you need it to put pressure on your competitor?”

If they said they needed it for the competitor, then I gave a very, very good price. A low price. Then the competitor had to put down his trousers. If they really wanted to buy from me, then I gave a normal price.

This is also part of understanding people. You have to know what is really happening.

The best customers are the honest ones. I love this kind of customer. When they are transparent, I know where I stand. I know what the real problem is, and then I can think about what I have to do to solve it. In Germany, not everyone is so transparent. In Austria, it is often different. People there are very direct. They say, “This is your problem. Solve it or not.” Maybe it sounds hard, but I like it, because then I know the point.

The Mayor told a story about the Catholic church next to his home. The church facade and foundations were renovated for around 134,000 euros. It was a lot of money, but not crazy, because the people involved were transparent. They probably knew each other, respected each other, and said clearly what they could do. Then he heard about another church renovation that cost 800,000 euros, because there was an expert here, another expert there, an architect there, and suddenly it became a cash cow.

That kind of thing drains energy.

Honesty gives energy.

I see this with customers. For example, I know a customer who sells 3,500 cans of WD-40 to his customer. I asked him, “What do I have to do so that you change from WD-40 to my product?” He was very transparent. He said it was a great idea and he would do it, but there was one problem: the end user only likes WD-40. He had already tried to change it, but the problem was not him. The problem was the end user.

That was helpful for me. We know now what the real problem is. It is on the agenda for this year that we go together to the end customer and try again. I think our product is better, and we can give the same price. But WD-40 has done great marketing for thirty, forty, fifty years. That is difficult. We have almost no chance, but we try.

That is sales. Sometimes the product is not the only point. Sometimes the story in the customer’s head is stronger than the product.

The Mayor then asked me something important. I am good at preparing for people. I try to understand how they think, how they work, how they tick. But is it also important that people understand how I tick?

Yes. Absolutely.

This is also trust.

I think I am very transparent with my problems. If I need something from a customer, I say it. I say, “Hey, I need this. Can you help me with this problem?” They know quite fast how I tick. They know I have to grow my business. That is clear. If we have a good relationship, they help me grow my business, and I help them grow theirs.

In a first appointment, I often say that I am a very honest person. I tell them, “If you have bad news for me, that is okay. Your job is not to make me happy. Our job is to grow the business. But give me the honest story.”

Do not talk bullshit.

That is maybe the simplest way to say it.

This also helps when things are difficult, like price increases. When CRC says we have to increase prices, I have to do it. I tell the distributor directly, “Sorry, I cannot change anything. This is not my idea. This is not my private position. But I have to do this.”

Most people respect that, because they understand the difference between Alexander the person and Alexander the representative of CRC. My private opinion and my company role are not always the same thing. But I have a job, and I do it with all consequences.

If there is a problem after that, I tell my bosses. I pass the message on, and if the customer reacts badly, I pass the message back. But in the moment, I do what the company tells me to do. I have no problem with that.

That is another kind of balance: not taking everything personally.

Then we moved to home.

The Mayor remembered that I often arrange appointments for Julia because she does not like making phone calls. That is true. If she needs to call the dentist or arrange something, I often do it. For me, this is normal.

He asked if she does something for me that is difficult for me.

Yes. Cooking. Washing my clothes.

I can do these things. I had a very small time slot in my life when I had to do them alone. I can wash. I can cook a meal for myself. It is not the best meal, but I can stay alive.

The Mayor said maybe I should spend more time with Ralf, because Ralf can cook for Germany. I think that is a good idea.

At the end, Frank asked me how the conversation developed from my perspective, because these are not always comfortable subjects for me.

I said I thought it was very good. The first question was uncomfortable, yes. But maybe it is more uncomfortable for people who know they say yes every day and do not feel good about it. People who feel they should say no but cannot.

For me, it was okay. I can work with these questions. In most situations, I try to say no when I feel something is not the best idea, or when I am tired, or when the line is not clear.

I also joked in the conversation that I am tired every day and help people every day. That was not really true. I was fresh and fit. I had just turned thirty-one. The Mayor said I am almost forty now, which was very kind of him. I do not like getting older. Not because the number is terrible, but because I do not like changes.

Right now, the time is perfect. I have a good age. I know how life is running. I have money. I have family. I can play football. I can go with friends to a bar or even to a disco. It is a good time.

Maybe it will also be good when I am forty. But still, I do not like changes.

Maybe that is also why reliability is so important to me. Reliability gives shape to life. Trust gives shape to relationships. Clear lines give shape to work. Honesty gives shape to difficult conversations.

And maybe social balance is not only about being with people or being alone.

Maybe it is about knowing when I am helping because it is right, and when I am helping because people expect me to. It is about knowing when to answer the phone, and when to let it ring. It is about being fast, but not being controlled by every message. It is about being useful without becoming empty.

I do not want to be a yes-sayer.

But I do want people to know they can trust me.

There is a big difference between those two things.

And maybe I needed The Mayor’s uncomfortable first question to say that clearly.